Heading to Falls Festival? 5 Steps To Have An Epic Time

Falls Festival, Lorne, 2008, Music Festival

Falls Festival is the crème de la crème when it comes to a good ol’ fashion Australian New Years. No matter whether you’re heading to see the epic list of bands on the bill in Marion Bay, Byron Bay or Lorne we’ve got all the tips and tricks to ensure that you’ll be welcoming in 2015 in comfort and style!

Step 1: Pick your poison.

There is only one (alcoholic) beverage worthy of taking along, red goon. You may be dry retching on the floor after reading that suggestion but let us tell you why red goon will be your number one camping accessory this new year’s – as a wise man once said, ‘fruity lexis makes you sexier’. Firstly, a good goon bag has the manoeuvrability of an octopus. You can basically hide these sacks of heavenly juice in any nook or cranny of your car, eski, sleeping bag or tightly rolled up tent which will prevent you from spending your hard earned summer savings on pints that you wait in line a lifetime to get your hands on. You may be thinking why red? Why not white? Well as experienced wine connoisseurs we know that red wine is best served at room temperature, so there is no need to rack for brain for any idea of how to keep something cold when it will probably 50+ degrees inside your sweaty tent. Lastly, once the goon is gone fill her carcass with a deep breath to create a makeshift pillow for a comfortable night’s sleep, or an impromptu alcohol infused nap.

Step 2: Dress to impress.

Dress for success, NOT like a dickhead. If we could beg you to take one piece of fashion advice from us before packing your bags for falls it would be to leave your god awful flower crowns and Indian headdresses at home. Girls let’s be honest, that daisy chain around your forehead has had its day and no matter how hard you try you will never rock it the way Lana Del Rey did circa 2011. Guys, if you really want to look like a dickhead (Without starting an ‘Ozzy, Ozzy Ozzy’ chant – to which we say ‘Oi, Oi, Oi’) then by all means make sure you take a tacky Indian headdress along to block all the other punters views of the stage. I’m sure the girls will find the sweat streaming down your blotching red face to be the most attractive thing ever! Someone is also sure to point out how culturally insensitive you are being, also – which will be at your expense and nobody’s enjoyment.

Step 3: Secure your friends.

Lost your friends? There are easier ways find than relying on the phone network which will most likely go down the second the festival gates open, and we’re not talking about you all dressing up as Wally, as that just adds a level of difficulty to the problem. Let us introduce you to your new best means of locating a missing person – hand signals. We know you may think it’s all a bit ‘stone age’ but this is the most effective way to keep connected throughout your entire Falls experience. Simply create an easy-to-recognise hand signal with your friends and if you are ever separated simply through it up in the air and count the seconds before you are reunited just in time to see Cold War Kids hit up the main stage. Worst case scenario you make a bunch of new friends when you’ve got to explain your excessive use of spirit fingers and pulsating fists in the air to someone.

Step 4: Be a happy camper.

Now, from experience, the best way to enjoy camping is to spend as little time as possible at your campsite. If you wanted to spend your time listening to your own music whilst perched outside a tent with all your yobbo mates then you should have stayed at home. Seriously, why pay all that money to miss a bunch of incredible bands just so you can do the same old shit that you will end up doing the rest of the summer. Even if you don’t know a lot of the bands playing, many have come a long way for you to grace them with your presence. Who knows, you could discover your new favourite act. The less time you spend in your tent potentially also means it will be cleaner and more welcoming after a long day and night of good tunes and once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.

Step 5: Remember that it’s The Falls Music and Arts Festival.

Get involved in the Arts. Although the draw card for most Falls punters is the music, the arts are one of the major factors that set Falls festival a notch above the rest. Unleash your inner creativity on piece at the festivals art camps or one of their crafternoons. Not only is it a good way to chill out after a big night/relieve your goon hangover, but you can take part in the massive parade to conclude the festival and it’s a great opportunity to bring a homemade souvenir back to your mum. We can only hope it tops that time in kinder that you glued pasta to a fridge magnet and coloured it in.

Finally have FUN – not that you’ll need the encouragement. Smile for every second of the festival, you don’t want to spend the rest of January untagging yourself on pictures on Facebook/Instagram. You’re at mother elfin’ Falls – make sure all your friends at home get a good dousing of jealousy.

Bradley Cowan


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