Cousin Lucy’s Excessive Wisdom: Game Of Thrones Characters As Star Signs

If you’re like me, nothing gets your dragons dancing more than the thought of Game of Thrones Season 5. We still have a few agonising weeks to wait until April 12 when it hits our screens, but until then, feast your crows on this little zodiac session for the Westeros-inclined.

*warning: if you really need this spoiler sign then why are you even reading this article*

Aries – Daenerys Targaryen


You are full of energy and life, and are always looking for a challenge. You are brave and smart, brim full of ideas and creativity. You’re a natural leader, and you hate being told what to do. You can be impulsive and have a fiery temper, but you are also very forgiving. You’re a natural mhysa and your charisma attracts you many followers, but your love of theatrics often causes you to blunder and you may spend a lot of time yelling about your dragons. You should probably learn to listen to other people more.

Taurus – Ned Stark


You like your beer cold, your food delicious, and your enemies dead. You are very practical and can always be relied upon to be the one in the squad that gets shit done. You are a driven yet patient person, able to persevere towards your goals – whether that be getting paid, getting laid, or getting the seven kingdoms’ financial and political affairs in order because your lazy best friend the King won’t stop chasing deer and getting smashed. You should take some time to pamper yourself.

Gemini – Tyrion Lannister


You love to talk and are very charismatic, weaving a charming web of words around people so when you’re done they don’t know whether they’re in love with you or if they want to murder you. You’re interesting, curious about the world and have a thirst for knowledge. You’re funny and smart, but your habit for showing off and talking shit can get you into trouble – watch out or you’ll have people orchestrating your plunge through a moon door.

Cancer – Catelyn Stark


You are very family oriented; loving nothing more than being at home with a special few. You can be clingy with your loved ones, and when they are threatened you can be slightly irrational and make poor battle decisions like freeing the Kingslayer. You are brave and gentle with a deep inner strength. You should make sure you have your own life and interests, maybe join the gym or start a blog or something.

Leo – Joffrey Baratheon


You are proud and kingly. You love to relax, but you also like to lead. You hate being ordered around, and you like to have a lot of time to do whatever you want, whether that’s watching movies or murdering prostitutes with your crossbow. You may feel hurt when you feel you’re not being paid enough attention and like it best when everyone is watching you do something cool. Your pride and arrogance will be your downfall. You should try and be nicer to people, maybe chill out a little.

Virgo – Cersei Lannister


You are one cool customer. You love to help others but also like to know you’re quietly appreciated. You’re low key very intelligent, talented and good looking. You’re a perfectionist and may have the tendency to obsess. You often think you are right and may become nasty when someone crosses you or threatens your way of life. You need to remember that your way of doing things is not necessarily better than anyone else’s, and just because you want to fuck your twin brother doesn’t mean some poor kid has to lose his legs.

Libra – Sansa Stark


You seek everything in your life to be beautiful – well balanced relationships and an enjoyable marriage and/or career is your idea of the good life. You are very loving and devoted to making your boyfriend/girlfriend happy. You like to look good, and boy, do you. You have had a few romantic engagements but may be still looking for the one, and you would absolutely NOT marry someone who isn’t hot. You are a good person inside and out, but you should learn to look a little deeper and push your mental capacities more.

Scorpio – Jon Snow


You can be dangerous, but not unless you are pushed. You like a lot of time alone to think about how you feel. Other people see you as mysterious or emo. At the same time, you can be a lot of fun – you are wild and are not afraid to try things that others are scared of. You have a very strong sense of justice and aren’t afraid to make tough decisions. You are also very sexual – you’re a Stark in the streets but a wildling in the sheets.

Sagittarius – Arya Stark


You have a fire in your heart that burns for adventure. You are forever trying new things and take delight in playing, jumping and laughing. You need plenty of freedom to see the world and experience as much of life as you can. You hate routine and can’t stand the idea of a desk job or marrying some Lord. You love to ask questions and learn. Have faith in yourself and don’t listen to the haters.

Capricorn –Tywin Lannister


You are extremely hard working and will stop at nothing to reach your goals. You have a lot of self-discipline and this usually results in your success. You may not be front and centre, but you’re always controlling things behind the scenes. It’s important to you that you’re better than everyone else at stuff, and you secretly love power. You may be hard to get to know, as you are a workaholic who takes themselves very seriously. You should be wary of pissing off your more emotional friends as they may stab you while you’re on the toilet.

Aquarius – Robb Stark



You are a friendly and insightful person, always wanting to help people and see the best in them. You have a fierce heart that may sometimes cloud your judgement – you believe in truth, virtue, decency, and the right to marry a hot nurse if you want to. You’re great in arguments but are not so great at sneaky manipulation. You should trust people less and avoid weddings.

Pisces – Bran Stark


You are a beautiful, gentle soul and other people don’t appreciate you enough. You are a daydreamer with a very rich inner world. You love your pets and take great care of them. Some people think you’re odd just because you have a weird third eye and get around on the back of a giant whose language only consists of his own name, but those who truly know you understand you have insight into things they do not. You should stay true to yourself and do what you want, but also maybe get a haircut and stop smoking so much weed.

If you didn’t get who you wanted, don’t worry. All men must die. (not sure how that necessarily relates to the zodiac but the point is everyone on this dang show is going to die and so are all of us, life is fleeting and meaningless and astrology isn’t real. Thank you and god bless)


Lucy Wood


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